Masks
by Sara Jaye
Summary: Even the most flawless of masks can contain unseen cracks.


"Masks"  
by Sara Jaye  
  
I wrote this in response to a one-word fic challenge. And after   
spending the afternoon overdosing on Fushigi Yuugi, this story practically   
wrote itself. ^_^ (Ironically, I'd been watching the second half of the   
OAVs, which didn't feature any of the Seiryuu lot. ^_^;;;) It's a one-shot,   
just Nakago musing on the inner psychology of humans...kinda. XD  
  
~  
  
We all have our masks. Whether they be of happiness, anger, strength,   
beauty, or ugliness, they hide something. A mask can either be a brilliant   
disguise that fools millions, or so transparent you'd wonder why you   
bothered with it at all.  
  
Take Suboshi, for example. The youngest of us Seiryuu warriors likes to   
pretend he's so tough. Swinging his Ryuuseisui, snarling at anyone who even   
thinks about hurting Yui-sama or Amiboshi...but this fails to hide the fact   
that he's only a boy. If anything, it only magnifies that fact.  
  
Tomo, on the other hand...he and his mask are practically one and the same,   
he wears it so well. Only I know of what lies underneath it...that there IS   
anything underneath that wall of makeup.  
  
I knew him way back when he was with that opera troupe...as soon as we met,   
the bastard manipulated me, exposing the memories I'd so carefully locked   
away, and told me how much alike he and I were...no matter how much I   
wanted to hate him for it, we ended up as lovers for a short time.  
  
We broke apart, of course. No relationship built on lies and manipulation   
lasts. Now, I hate him. I regret every moment of that so-called   
relationship we had...everything we did...just thinking about having kissed   
him makes me shudder, and knowing I slept with him...  
  
Oh GOD, I hate him! You'd think someone who knew what it was like to be   
violated and abused wouldn't do such things! Reaching into my memories,   
making me relive the experience of being the emperor's plaything over and   
over...then telling me about HIS past and trying to convince me we were   
kindred spirits!  
  
As much as I hate him, I hated myself even more for believing him.   
Sometimes I wondered if his sadistic ways weren't so much his mask as they   
were HIM.  
  
Now, we're forced to work side by side as Seiryuu's chosen. But I hardly   
ever speak to him, let alone acknowledge that he exists for reasons other   
than needing his powers to help us summon Seiryuu.  
  
Of course, he's gone back to his harsh, twisted self.  
  
But I've stopped wondering whether that's his real self, or his disguise.  
  
I know what Tomo is really like...I've seen what he's like underneath the   
layers of paint and the illusions. Shy, insecure, angry at the world.  
  
In other words, weak. Something I can use against him if ever the need   
arises.  
  
Actually, that need never WOULD arise. He'd never dare to defy me in any   
way, the fool. All I have to do is say "jump" and he asks how high. So   
pathetic the way he's devoted to a man who can't stand his existence.  
  
WHY is he so devoted to me anyway? I've made it clear on several occasions   
that he means nothing to me. I TOLD him how much I resented him the day our   
relationship ended.  
  
And yet, he still devotes half his life to pleasing me. Even going as far   
as to saying he'd have sexual intercourse with a woman if it suited my   
plans, despite the very idea of it obviously disgusting him otherwise.  
  
He'd probably even give his life for me in a battle the same day I told him   
what a worthless idiot he was.  
  
Huh. That there is a rather big crack in his mask. He works so hard to   
appear threatening to others, but his devotion to me couldn't be more   
blatant.  
  
Tomo...you really are an idiot. Why do you bother to hide your true self   
around me? I've seen under your mask. I know what you're really like.  
  
And somehow...for one disturbing reason or another...I almost...LIKED that   
other side of you.  
  
So maybe I don't actually hate you. Resent you, yes. But in rare moments   
such as these, where I actually contemplate life rather than hate it with a   
passion, I realize...you WERE right about us being so similar. We both   
pride ourselves on being cold and calculating, if only to hide our anguish.  
  
And maybe that's why I resent you. For making me realize this about   
myself...making me acknowledge my own weaknesses.  
  
For making me acknowledge that at one point, I did have feelings for you.   
Feelings that I just realized never completely faded away.  
  
Damn you...damn you, Tomo, for making me come to this realization!  
  
We all have our masks. And mine is one of hatred.  
  
~End~  
  
YES!! I actually FINISHED something! XD XD XD This is the first fic I've   
finished since Christmastime. :o Aaah, you just gotta love random one-word   
challenges...this worked out rather well. :D  
  
It felt a little strange, writing from Nakago's viewpoint. Ever since   
reading the manga I developed a strong dislike for him, or at least his   
behavior. -_-; But I also know he has his reasons for being such a bastard.   
Rather than "My past made me angst and I act like a big jerk to hide my   
pain!", Nakago's reasons are "I've been hurt, and I must never let anyone   
screw me over again!". He CHOSE to be the way he is, and when I think about   
it from a psychoanalytical viewpoint, it's rather intetresting. :3  
  
This was originally gonna be Nakago musing on how he couldn't love   
anyone even though Soi and Tomo were nuts about him, because he was too   
bent on his mission for his own idea of world peace. But after I wrote the   
bit about Tomo and his makeup, well...the fic ended up going in another   
direction. n.n; But I like the end result, so...that was a good thing it   
did. XD 


End file.
